There was an inside joke floating around between you and Simon that even though he was the husband, he was petty and moody enough to be the Missus of the house.

So one day, when some weird neighbor starts to flirt with you, you try to cool things down with a "I'm gonna have to tell the Missus about this" joke.

And miraculously, Simon appears behind you, towering over both you and the neighbor. He looks like he's ready to snap the guy in half.

He deadpans, and in the most serious voice with a look that could kill, he growls.

"I'm the Missus."