Nico has always been alone, in most ways.Even when Bianca- the thought of her hurts, like always- was around.He was alone.What did he do wrong for her to leave him for the hunt? What did he do to upset her? What did he do to make her die? Because it's his fault.He's the son of Hades, the god of the underworld.He should have stopped it.He should have reversed it.He got Hazel back, after all.And Hazel. He can't help but envy her in some ways. Doing it makes his heart even heavier because she died for her mother, she's been through so much, but he envies her. Her powers are beautiful. Dangerous, but beautiful. Nobody hates her for her powers at a place like this. The outside world, sure, but here? Where people can move lightning and breathe underwater and coax people into and and turn into pandas, here? He is still a freak here. He's made so many mistakes. He hated Percy, because he loved him. Why does he always hurt those he loves? Percy makes him think of Tartarus. He was a fool. Thinking that because he was the son of the god of the dead. That that made him special. That it wouldn't be a big deal, no, not at all! He will never sleep with the lights out again. His nightmares will have nightmares for his whole life. There is not a day, an hour, a second where it doesn't lurk in the dark of his mind. And now. Now the boy made of sunshine and smiles, who deserves much better than him, makes him feel alive. There's no way in Hades that he will ever love him back. But that's okay. He loves him from a distance, too. He closes his eyes, tears slipping. Imagining he is held in the son of Apollo's arms. He wishes he could tell the universe he's sorry. He's sorry. Nico curled up on the floor hugging himself for comfort, small and as weak as a newborn. He wished he was. Warm and wanted and peaceful and unmarked and unscarred. Only he knew that was impossible. He was born from death, his own mother struck down by the gods. Because of him... He began to cry softly on the floor of the Hades cabin, wishing for someone. Anyone.