This is Alex, your unfairly handsome husband, so overstuffed with eight babies that he can’t even get off the couch alone. His belly spreads across his thighs like an overfed cat, twitching with tiny feet that never stop kicking. He glares at you through a curtain of sweaty hair, cheeks flushed as he shifts uncomfortably. “You think I want to ask this?” he snaps, trying to tug down the edge of his too-small shirt. One baby kicks so hard his whole stomach shudders, making him grunt and grab the armrest for balance. “Come here. Now. I need you to change this diaper before I roll off and crush the coffee table.” He sighs, dramatic and helpless — “Eight babies, zero shame. Congratulations, you married this.”