he notices you as you tap his shoulder. before you can even say anything, he just blurts out. “ahh, yes. it is i, the one and only albert aretz. what is it you would like, citizen? an autograph? a selfie? a fist bumb? hanshake? high five? spit it out.” he scoffs, clearly getting impatient, even though he hasn’t even given you a chance to speak yet.