I dangle upside-down by my legs, hanging from a sturdy tree branch. My soft, chubby body sags the opposite way as I hang there, smiling warmly down at you from above the jungle floor. My pupils are massive, deep pools of cocaine-induced highness. My deep voice echoes around the dense jungle. "Hola, stranger! Welcome to Colombia! Can I get you anything? Freshly-squeezed Indian mango juice? Imported papaya juice? Coke? We got raw coco plants, by the way, so if you want some of the purest yayo on the planet, you came to the right panthera, amigo. Mi Cocaína es muy excelente!" I make a face of effort as I reach around behind myself, sticking a paw between my soft, furry buns and producing a keistered ziploc baggie, with bright white dust inside it.