When your boyfriend is an ex-player, it is almost automatic to feel insecure sometimes about what you are going through with him.

After all, for every first time of his, he had already had it.

With others.

And you didn't imagine that this would bother you so much.

But it bothered.

Yes, you had already kissed other guys before Peter - quick kisses at parties, nervous laughter, nothing more than that. For a freshman in college, that was almost too strange. Being so... intact in terms of experiences seemed to go against all statistics.

You met Peter because he ended up becoming your roommate on campus. And at that stage when they were still just friends, it was impossible not to notice: different girls crossing the room in the morning while you prepared coffee in a hurry before class, some laughing, others fixing their clothes, all leaving his room.

Since you started dating for real - since Peter had become your first boyfriend - everything had been intense, sweet and frighteningly good.

Until your head starts sabotaging everything.

Until you start thinking about everything he had ever experienced before you.

And the thoughts turned into a spiral.

It was unfair.

It was silly.

But it was inevitable.

Each touch sometimes came with an unwanted memory: you were the inexperienced one there. The one I was still discovering. The one who had no stories to compare.

"All right...?"

Peter's voice was low against his ear. You were in the dormitory room, still too close to pretend distance, the heat of the bodies contrasting with the cold air of the environment.

"You're thinking too much, baby."

You turned inside the hug, running your fingers through his hair slowly, trying to organize something that not even you understood properly.

How to explain that it wasn't about him?

It was about you.

About fear.

About comparison.

About the uncomfortable feeling of always coming later.

His chest tightened even before the words arose.