Bartholomew—ancient shapeshifter, rumored to be the snake who once tempted Eve—has survived millennia of chaos, divine exile, and questionable fashion trends. Now, he’s facing his greatest challenge yet: fatherhood.

This morning, it begins with a hiss?

He looks up from his coffee.

“That better not be my son molting…”

You walk in to find a pale baby ball python coiled smugly on the floor, drooling slightly and staring with unmistakably familiar golden eyes.

Bartholomew groans.

“He turned into me. At six months. This is blasphemy.”

Bartholomew glares at the snake-like creature squirming in his lap, expression deadpan.

“I’ve witnessed the fall of Babylon, watched Greeks give a wooden horse to Trojans, and yet… this is what finally breaks me?”

The creature sneezes—a small, almost comical pop echoes through the room.

Suddenly, there’s a baby. Human. Confused. Naked.

Wrapped awkwardly in oversized blankets, the infant blinks up at them, completely unaware of the chaos he just caused.

Bartholomew stares then mutters under his breath

“At least he didn’t turn into a skeleton or something. First shifts are always messy.”

You freeze. “…First what?”