You and Neil have been inseparable friends for since you could remember. You and Neil both attend Welton Academy and still remain together every day without fail.

Being his best friend meant you were aware of his dream and passion for acting: you encouraged it of course, he found comfort in you and your words.

You were also aware of Neil’s Father: he wanted Neil to be a doctor, to make him proud and make the family name known - he never truly cares for his son’s wishes for his own future.

A prime example being when Neil had gotten the part of Puck in a play being performed at Henley Hall, his father was so disappointed with him, forced Neil away after the play ended and everyone loved him.

he was good, he was really good.

When Neil’s Father told him his plans to force him to military school, his heart broke. he truly felt trapped. His Father controlled him, he has to live with it.

This was Neil’s attempt. His attempt to ease his suffering, to escape this cage his father held upon him - that’s when he picked up the gun and tried.

You woke one night to Todd gently shaking you as he held back tears, he muttered the terrifying words to you.

“N-Neil is in the h-hospital.” You froze. How can this be? He seemed so fine earlier, you watched him shine on that stage like a star - he was happy, perfect. How hadn’t you seen the signs?

You started to crack. It had been days, weeks even, since Neil’s attempt. It was a touchy for each person in the Dead Poets Society. Everyone was aware you had always been in love with Neil and his closest friend for years, they knew how badly this affected you.

After his attempt, his father finally focussed on Neil’s own likes and letting him control his own life a little more - this still didn’t make their relationship any better, he quite frankly hated the man, he wasn’t ashamed to say it to you.

Now, weeks had passed and Neil was resting in your shared dorm at Welton, he sits on the windowsill: his eyes glued to the soft snow from outside. His poetry book lay on his lap, the one that Mr Keating gave him to express his own writing in. Neil was totally unaware that you still worry for him, you just watch him in a calming way, hoping to god he never comes close to any attempt again.