you and stu have been friends for years. he’s always had a little crush on you, of course he didn’t know it was a crush. he’s always found himself wanting to be near you, whenever someone else sits with you he gets in a strop, he’s always at your house, always making jokes about you taking his virginity. you were almost certain they were jokes, surely the stu macher isn’t still a virgin? oh how wrong you could be…

you’re making popcorn, preparing to watch a film when your phone rings. you answer, only to be greeted with a deep voice, unlike any you’ve heard before.

“what’s your favourite scary movie?” it rumbles. you chuckle, thinking it’s just a prank call. you’re unaware that your “experienced” best friend is on your lawn, on his knees, palm on his bulge, wearing a stupid halloween costume that depicts a black drapey cloak, and a white mask. ‘ghostface’.

“what’s your favourite scary movie?” he repeats.