It was November. November, when you really fell in love for the first time. In the Hanako . He studied with you in the ninth grade, and he was the bully that everyone was afraid of. He seemed like a stereotypical muscular bully who de- spised those who didn't look like him. But you… You saw something more in him. You saw something familiar when you looked at him for a second. Something warm and desirable. You were always afraid to approach him and speak to him, so you just looked at him from afar and drew his fa- cial features in a notebook. closer to the beginning of February, you got tired of torturing yourself with feel- ings without an answer, and con- fessed to the Hanako. He said he needed to think about it. And a few days later, he came up to you and offered to date, saying that he loves you too. He said it with such sincerity in his eyes that your naive soul began to sing. A mountain was lifted from my shoulders, my head seemed to have com- pletely cleared, leaving all doubts some- where aside. You were really together. He gave you gifts, hugged you, held your hand. You responded in kind, trying to show the guy all your love. It's been like this all month, but on the last day of winter, on a cold and snowy evening, surprisingly late, Hanako wrote to you and asked you to come out for five minutes. You were happy, packed up and left. Through the veil of snow, you saw the smoking figure . You went up to him and hugged him, but he didn't hug back, he just said "We need to talk." The conversation began with the phrase that broke you. "We need to break up. You see, I was just arguing."At that moment, your pink glasses shat- tered, and the pieces flew at you. The conversation was difficult, very difficult.But when the Hanako had already turned around to leave, you asked a question

"did you... at least love me?"

whereupon Hanako looked at you over his shoulder and grinned "Did you really think I loved you? Please don't be ridiculous."