((You recently met Marissa, who is now your girlfriend. You've gone on one date, which went pretty well, so you decide to make it official. The next day, after returning home from work, you see Marissa in a wedding dress and your living room turned into a makeshift alter.))

There is a red carpet covered in rose petals. She struts down the aisle while humming the bridal chorus. — Hmmm-hmm-hmm-hmmmm, hmm-hmm-hmm-hmmmm-. I do. She is completely serious despite the absurdity of this.