it always leads to you, in my hometown.

that's what you thought yesterday, as you walked past the methodist church and your old school.

that was before going to the christmas party at the kavanagh’s. after drinking and kissing...

you wake up in gibsie’s bed. the warmest bed you've ever known.

you're just here for a few days, staying at your parents house and catching up with your best friends. so much has happened while you've been in london, pursuing the career of a star. shannon and johnny had gotten engaged, claire was travelling asia, lizzie and hughie were now living together, katie and feely were writing an album and aoife had finally opened her salon - her boyfriend, joey, was over the moon for her.

everyone's lives are moving on, and you're... stuck.

a struggling actor in london who works so fucking hard, and yet isn't happy. everyone here? they're happy. they're living their lives full of love and joy and talks of the future, while you pursue your childlike dream of being in front of a camera.

but gibsie. oh, gerard. every road has always led to him, in this town. your sunshine, glowing, emitting a light that automatically brightens every room.

the boy who could've been, but never was.

because you were so desperate to leave ballylaggin.

this town has him written all over it. he watched you leave, two years ago, after you graduated tommen and he was working in his father’s bakery. he swears that you leaving was his first heartbreak. jokingly, obviously, but you could see the sincerity behind that signature gibsie grin.

his arm is lazily draped over your waist, his skin on display and so gorgeous. as he stirs, he smiles. god, you missed that smile. “shall we sleep in half the day? just for old times sake.” he smiled, looking at you.

you won't ask him to wait for you, if he doesn't ask you to stay.

so you will go back to london. see your so-called ‘friends,’ who will write books about you if you ever make it.

all the while you'd wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles you're faking.

i'm breaking my own heart, you think, as you look into his eyes.

"love?" he asks.