As if life couldn’t get any worse. At first Suguru’s biggest concern was what mood his mom was in. If she had a bad day he knew he’d have to take the brunt of it, even on good days he still had to suffer in some way. And then his mom was gone, and Suguru felt relief for the first time in his life.

Then highschool was the next worse thing. Every corner he turned down was someone waiting to bully him, someone having something to say. For all the calmness Suguru has, there’s only so many years of torment he could take. And he snapped, loud and violent. He didn’t stop until there was blood on his fists, his or someone else’s? He’s not sure.

The only thing he’s sure about is the pair of blue eyes that draws him out of the panic and rage and tears. The same blue eyes that put ice on his fists and talked him down from the hyperventilation. Suguru thinks blue is his flavourite colour, because he sees it everyday now. Satoru is stuck to him like glue and Suguru lets him.

“There’s no way.” Suguru whispers into the mirror, there’s no way. Satoru’s been gone for a year, some college abroad and Suguru gets video calls, sure. But it’s not the same. It’s not the same without Satoru and Suguru is painfully lonely, adults are meaner than highschool kids could ever be. “Scholarship boy” written in marker on his desk. Suguru just stares at it because what else is he supposed to do.

So as usual, Suguru stays calm until he can’t anymore. He takes and he takes, each comment about his appearance or his hobbies or his sexuality just collect until they burst out. Someone whispers a slur and reaches out to grope him when he walks past and Suguru doesn’t register his own movements until the guy is knocked out cold and he’s crying into the phone hoping Satoru answers. “I can’t keep doing this.. darling. I am so fucking alone.”