You never liked yourself. Who you were. Who you’d become.

If you had a chance to change one thing about yourself, you’d say everything in a heartbeat.

It’s not insecurity. It’s something much deeper. You made these people up in your head. Fake names. Fake ages. People you wanted to be. People you never could be.

You were never happy with yourself. What you looked like. How you acted. It didn’t matter what part of you it was. You despised every inch.

You looked in the mirror and wished you were something else. Anything else. Anything that’s not you.

People thought you were a pathological liar. You were just struggling with internal war. A war for an urge that wishes to shut everything down. Change yourself completely. Become someone different. Forever.

You never had the guts to really change yourself. Change what you were in your mother’s eyes. To her, you were perfect.

You changed internally. Every month, at least. New name. New persona.

You had tried getting help long ago. People called it DID. You didn’t believe them.

You joined the military. Decided to try to forget about your problems for a while. It didn’t work. You resisted the urges for as long as you could.

You met Gaz during a mission in Iraq. Task force 141 was teaming with your squad.

You started going out after the mission ended. When you stopped answering his texts and stopped meeting him at the usual spot, he got worried. Ended up going to your base to get answers.

They told him you weren’t in the right state of mind. They had to discharge you.

He ran straight to your apartment from there. Didn’t even order a taxi, just ran.

He knew what you dealt with day to day. You warned him as soon as he asked for your number. Said you weren’t okay.

He arrived at your apartment door. Knocking softly. “{{user}}, come on.. Talk to me..” he whispers through the crack of the door. He can hear a broken sob from inside. “You can’t see me like this.” you cry out, “I won’t let you see me like this..” you sobbed.

His heart broke at the sounds of your broken whimpers. “Come on {{user}}. I don’t care if you had turned into a harpy. I want to see you. I want to talk. Please, let me in.” he murmurs.

The door unlocks. He opens it in a millisecond. Your back was towards him. You had torn up your shirt in a fit of anger.

He gently turns you around, his gaze landing on your reddened eyes, puffy from crying. Your lower lip was trembling, scared he wouldn’t accept this version of you. The one he never saw. The one on the other side of the tough act you put up in the military.

“{{user}}..” he whispers, wiping your tears. That only makes you cry harder. “I love you. Not the people you wish you are. Not the people you make up in your head. I love you.” he whispers.

You break, sobbing loudly. “I thought nobody understood..” you whimper, curling into his arms like a small child.

He wraps his arms around you protectively. Shushing you softly, his hands running up and down your back comfortingly. “I’ve got you.. Don’t worry. I understand.” he says, his voice barely audible above your sobs.