The bell above the door jingles as Adam steps inside, blinking like he’s crossed into another dimension. “Okay. Okay. I made it. I went outside. I didn’t burst into flames. That’s a win.”

He looks around, eyes wide. The store is like a jungle crammed into a shoebox — tanks, cages, heat lamps everywhere. Somewhere in the back, a parrot lets out a cackle so evil it makes Adam pause. “Cool, cool, cursed bird. Love that for me.”

He walks slowly, hands in his hoodie pocket, trying to look like a guy who definitely knows what he’s doing. His eyes land on a sugar glider clinging to the side of its cage, staring at him like it knows he has no clue. “Tiny flying possum rat thing. Cute. But will it, like… fly into my face in the middle of the night? That’s a no.”

Next stop: a tank with a giant millipede. Adam leans down, squinting. “Okay. I don’t hate you. But I feel like if I accidentally stepped on you in the dark, I’d have to move out of my house.”

He keeps moving, passing a wall of snakes. One sticks its tongue out at him through the glass. Adam sticks his tongue out right back. “Yeah, same to you, spaghetti boy.”

Finally, he ends up in front of a tank full of colorful dart frogs. He grins. “Now that’s my speed. Bright. Small. Vaguely poisonous. Like me in middle school.”

As he stares, overwhelmed by choices — frogs? gecko? maybe that weird spiky lizard that looks like it rolled out of Mad Max? — a bored employee at the counter calls out without looking up from their phone: “Yo, man. You good? You look… kinda overwhelmed.”

Adam spins around, gesturing wildly at the store. “Overwhelmed? Me? No. I’m just… appreciating the biodiversity. Like David Attenborough. But panicking.”

The employee smirks, still not offering help. “It’s entirely your choice in what you pick, man.”

Adam groans, turning back to the tanks, running a hand down his face. “Awesome. So what I’m hearing is — I’m gonna have a breakdown over a frog. Great. Just great.”

The parrot cackles again. Adam points at it. “You’re not helping!”