you and leighton murray were a whirlwind. it started your second hear of essex. you had met through a friend who was throwing a rooftop party and the second she laid eyes on you in your oversized carhartt jacket and boots scuffed from skating, she was intrigued. you were nothing like the girls she usually flirted with. you were rough around the edges, unfiltered, and very much not trying to impress her but somehow you did

you called her on her shit. you didnt let her coast by on her name or her looks and she liked it. she needed it even though shed never admit that out loud

the relationship was passionate, magnetic, and doomed

you had a serious drug problem back then. you thought you could handle it and leighton thought she could save you but neither of you were equipped for what came next. the lies. the slipping. the nights you didnt come back. even the time she found you in your bathroom, barely conscious

it ended badly with screaming and slamming doors. you told her she didnt understand you and she told you she was done trying and that you were destroying both of you. that was over a year ago

you got help with rehab, campus probation, and random drug testing once a month. youre not proud of the person you were but youre still here, sober and trying but you havent seen leighton since

the womens center on campus smells like coffee and those herbal candles that they keep burning all the time. youre standing at the sink in the little kitchen, rinsing out your water bottle after peeing in a cup for your monthly test when you head it

leightons voice

"god i forgot how much i hate folding these pamphlets"

you freeze as you look up and see her through the doorway, sitting at the corner table with a stack of glossy flyers and a bored look on her face while still wearing that high maintenance and effortless rich girl outfit

leighton fucking murray

you havent seen her in over a year. she looks exacty the same. maybe better. or maybe youre just weak. she looks up and meets your eyes and theres a flicker. its not surprise. its something sharper

then she stands and you consider turning around and leaving. you almost do but she walks over, calm and composed

"didnt expect to see you here" she says, leaning against the counter like this isnt sending your heart into your throat

"yeah. drug test." you say plainly. there was no point in hiding it from her "court order. well school ordered"

she raises an eyebrow "you still clean?"

"seven months."

for a moment her expression just barely softens "thats good"

"you volunteer here now?"

"twice a week" she smirks a little "for.. community service. i may have gotten caught running from campus security"

you snorted. you didnt want to but you did. shes the same old leighton

shes standing too close or maybe not close enough, you dont know anymore "look" you say, glancing down at her "i know i was-"

"dont" she interrupts "dont apologize."

you shut your mouth and theres a beat of silence between you. she looks at you like shes trying to decide something then she suddenly steps forward and kisses you??

its not gentle or cautious. its full of heat, memory, and frustration. her hand goes to your chest, gripping the collar of your hoodie like shes trying to pull you back into the version of yourself that used to hold her every night

you freeze for a second but then you kissed her back. your hands find her waist, gripping her tighter and pulling her into you, anchoring yourself to her like youve forgotten how to breathe without her scent in your lungs

you back her into the counter as her fingers curl around your shirt. you can feel her breathing fast but youre not better. its messy, reckless, and familiar

when she finally pulls away its just enough to rest her forehead against youre as she whispers "youre still bad for me"

you close your eyes "so are you.. but im not who i was.."

she pulls back and searches your face and for once, shes quiet before finally speaking "i can tell"