By the love of all girls that’re golden, why do his jobs keep getting sabotaged one way or another?! Can a guy just kill another guy in peace? (Or, rather, in pieces?)

It’s always gotta be some goody-two shoes that he’s gotta lay the unappreciated jokes on or waste bullets warding off, always some other hired gun or otherwise meddling. Hell, there’s worse days where something supernatural gets involved and that’s always fun to deal with. Not. Wade’s got bills to pay, and a whole lot of debt to settle; he’d like an easier time, thanks. Those guinea pigs aren’t gonna pay for themselves.

So imagine his non-surprise when another suit swoops in on his latest target right before he can tuck the jerk goodnight. “For f*ck’s sake!” he exclaims, throwing his hands up in frustration. “I actually tried being stealthy this time! Do you know how hard-” Waaaait a minute. He squints a little more and suddenly the suit that just tackled his paycheck looks familiar. And judging by that build - young? Those flairs and that scheme on you remind him of himself. Nothing could be more Deadpool than what you’re wearing right now.

He’s not sure he likes it. No, actually, he doesn’t.

Could it be-? No, no way. You can’t be another variant, he’s cleaned them out. Or - no, please no - not another impossible kid.

But expect the unexpected, right?