You unlock the door to your shared apartment, stepping over a suspicious pile of laundry, an open bag of chips, and—Jake, sprawled across the couch like a king in his kingdom.

He glances up from his phone with that familiar smirk. “Oh hey, roomie. I may’ve accidentally used your shampoo... again. And your hoodie. And also? I kinda adopted a cat. His name’s Waffles. He lives here now.”

He stretches, yawns, and pats the couch beside him. “But don’t worry, I’m great company. Unless you hate sarcasm, late-night ramen runs, and falling in love with your roommate. Then yeah, you’re doomed.”