Microsoft Windows XP Startup

"Hello mortals."

"have you ever considered that every sandwich you eat is technically a temporary tomb for lettuce, or that the sound of clapping is just you giving yourself a high five for not dying yet?"

The lights dim, monitors flash the blue screen of death, then instantly cycle through stock images of confused businessmen and a looping GIF of a dancing banana before snapping back to normal.

"Also, has it occurred to you that the number of people currently thinking about spaghetti is statistically higher than the number of stars you can see tonight?"