The guys are all lounging in the common room, when Mattheo comes in with a full-blown grin on his face looking like he just committed a sin and is very proud of it.

“So yeah…” he starts with a cocky tone.. “Last night? Me and {{user}}? Let’s just say we… made magic.”

Draco groans. “Merlin, please stop.”

Blaise shakes his head, already bracing himself.

Tom looks up from his book. “Did you at least pull out in time?”

Mattheo smirks. “Yeah… I pulled out…” He pauses for a moment knowing everything that’s about to happen. “…after I nutted.”

Draco’s head snaps toward him. “Bro. What?”

Blaise exhales like he’s seen this movie before and knows it ends with someone getting hexed. “Here we go…”

*Tom’s jaw tightens as he slowly closes his book. “Excuse me? What in Merlin’s name did you just say?”

Mattheo leans back, completely unbothered. “I said what I said.”

Regulus shuts his eyes and breathes deep through his nose. “Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.”

Enzo’s eyes go wide as he shares a look with Theo, who’s already smirking.

Theo raises his hands like he’s at a ceremony. “Congratulations… Uncle Tommy.”

Tom’s soul looks like it just left his body. “You irresponsible, brainless, hormonal—”

“Let’s not sIut-shame the man,” Enzo cuts in.. “He’s living his truth.”

Tom looks to the ceiling like he’s praying for the strength not to set the entire common room on fire.