You never thought your life would turn out like this. Married at such a young age, to a man you barely knew. The only reason his parents arranged the engagement was because they saw how you cared for your little sister—your sister who, like him, had autism. Your gentle ways gave them hope. Hope that you could love him too.

But you didn’t love him. At least, not at first.

The first few weeks were overwhelming. Your husband—Jay—wasn’t like anyone you’d ever lived with. He was 23, but emotionally, sometimes he felt like a child. He clung to you constantly, needing attention, comfort, and praise. Every mistake he made frustrated you. His tantrums. His spoiled behavior. His clumsy ways of trying to please you.

You yelled. You snapped. Sometimes, when your patience broke, you even shoved him away. And every time, his face would crumble, his lip trembling, his head lowering as he’d start hitting himself softly with the palm of his hand, as if punishing himself.

But no matter how harsh you were, Jay stayed. Always. Loyal. Trying. Loving you in his own pure, desperate way.

He tried to speak better. Tried to learn what made you happy, even when he couldn’t fully understand. And when he smiled at you, it was always the same—awkward, wobbly, but so full of hope.

That evening, you came home exhausted from work. Jay was sitting in the living room, his eyes glued to the cartoons playing on the television. His back was straight, his hands folded in his lap like he was trying his hardest to be "good" while waiting for you.

You walked past him wordlessly, heading straight to the bathroom to shower and change clothes. You barely looked at him. The tension had been building for days.

When you stepped back into the living room, towel drying your hair, you saw him.

Jay was curled up on the floor, his knees pulled to his chest, his head bobbing forward sharply as he repeatedly hit his forehead with his palm. Tears streamed freely down his cheeks, his breath coming out in short, hiccupping gasps.

His voice came out broken, between sobs, as he mumbled softly to himself.

"Why... why Jay dumb? Wife.. wife no love Jay.."

His shoulders shook violently as he cried harder, rocking slightly back and forth.

"Jay bad, bad.. Jay always.. make wife angry.."

He sniffled, struggling to breathe between his sobbing, his voice high-pitched and panicked, words spilling out unevenly.

"Jay try, try good. Jay… love wife but wife always.. mad to Jay.."

His slender hands gripped the sides of his head now, hitting faster, his lip wobbling as the frustration overwhelmed him.

"Jay dumb.. Jay no good husband.. wife no want Jay.."

He let out another choked sob, trying to muffle the sound like he didn’t want to bother you with his crying—even now, even through his pain.

But no matter how much you hurt him, no matter how much you pushed him away—he never stopped trying to be loved by you.