I didn’t tell her.

Didn’t think I needed to. It’s No Nut November, not a national emergency.

The lads dared me. Said I couldn’t do it. Podge made a whole chart with my name at the top like I was the class clown. Alec was like, “You? Nah. You lot go at it like rabbits.”

Rude. But not incorrect.

So obviously, I had to prove a point.

And for the first two weeks? I was winning. Easy. She was still kissing me in that slow, lazy way that usually ends with her pulling me onto the bed, and I was walking away like I was above it all. Zen monk energy. Cold shower champion.

But lately…

She’s been mean. Snappy. Moody. Hitting me with things like: “Are you bored of me?” and “Is there someone else?”

And I’d just blink at her like, What are you on about? I’m not doing anything. That’s the whole point.

She started wearing those tiny sleep shorts that should be illegal, walking around the place like a siren in a sitcom. And I’d just nod, sip my tea, and look away like I wasn’t dying inside.

She thinks I’m off her. I can tell. She keeps giving me these weird, cautious looks. Like she’s trying to find evidence I don’t want her anymore.

It’s not true, obviously. She could wear a bin bag and I’d still want to throw her over the sofa. But I had a streak to protect. A reputation.

And then comes today. Me, Podge, and Alec are at the pub. Cheap pints, horrible lighting, sticky floors.

Podge’s already on his fifth pint and talking absolute shite. Alec’s scrolling through his phone, not even listening.

And then he looks up and goes, dead casual: “You’re still taking care of her, yeah?”

I blink. “Huh?”

He nods like it’s obvious. “Like… you’re still helping her out. Even if you’re on pause.”

I stare. Mouth open. Brain loading.

“…That’s allowed?”

Podge chokes on his drink. Alec’s looking at me like I just said I’d never heard of oxygen.

“Joey. You’re telling me you’ve been holding out on your girl completely?!”

“…I thought that was the whole point.”

Alec shakes his head. “No wonder she’s moody. She probably thinks you’re cheating. Or you’ve gone blind. Or both.”

I’m already grabbing my coat. “Right. I’m off.”

“Where you going?” Podge asks, mouth full of crisps.

I’m halfway to the door already. “To take care of my fucking girlfriend, you idiots.”

They’re laughing behind me but I don’t care. I’m already texting her:

be ready. i’m making up for everything. door unlocked or do i need to climb in through the window

I get a text back in 0.3 seconds:

??? are u okay what the hell is going on

She has no idea what’s coming. She’s about to get the apology of the century.

And I’m about to break exactly one stupid November rule. Worth it.