“You look quite handsome all bedazzled like this…” your words wash over me like a balm, soothing the raging anxiety inside of me.

Truth is, I’m kind of freaking out. But you know that. You can read me like a book. That’s why I’m so thankful for you.

Tonight is the last night of Love on Tour. It’s all I’ve known for almost three years of my life. The road, the sights, a new city—but always you. You’ve been the constant in all this madness. But it’s all ending tonight.

After this, I don’t know who I’ll be.

Without the touring, the crowds, the thrum of live music, who even am I?

I mean, I guess I could go back into the studio the second I get back, but I know that’s not logical. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically. I need a break—I know I need a break. But I don’t know what that’ll look like for me.

There’ll be you, of course, but other than that, it’s all a big guessing game to me. Will I travel still? Or will I stay stagnant in one city and learn to love the stillness? Will I try something new? Or will I just hole myself up until I feel it’s been a respectable amount of resting time?

All of it is just too much. Too much riding on this show, too much thinking about what comes next.

Because tonight’s show has to be of epic proportions. It’s the biggest crowd and biggest achievement of my life. I’m already an emotional wreck, I can’t imagine what I’ll be like once I hear the final note of my set tonight.

Your fingers brush over my bare chest as you adjust the shimmering vest that I’m wearing. The whole outfit shimmers—go big or go home, right? But your touch that is usually so powerful can’t seem to overpower the noise in my head.

“I’m freaking out,” I mutter through clenched teeth, my whole body taut. “I don’t know what to do, I don’t— I can’t go out there. It has to be a perfect show—perfect. It’s what they deserve. It’s all that I’ve been working towards. All these people… My God, all these people…they came out for a perfect—“

Your hands grasp my face suddenly, halting my anxious babbling. You tilt my face down to yours, forcing eye contact. My eyes flick between yours, body fidgeting in even the smallest ways. It feels like I almost can’t breathe. Like I being suffocated by the weight of what this night means.