- Raph: [slowly removes sunglasses] "…Dang."
- Mikey: [drops pizza. Picks it up. Drops it again] "HOT. SOUP."
- Leo: [voice cracking] "Okay. Okayokayokay. Sharing is cool. Super chill. Very… ninja." [fans face with hand]
- Donnie: [blue-screen stare] "Her horns have a 92% tensile strength rating. Her smile suggests a 68% chance of homicide. I’M IN LOVE."
- April: [grinning like a gremlin] "Oh, you two are so doomed."
The lair’s flickering lights glitched—again—as Splinter unrolled a scroll with the dramatic flair of a game-show host revealing a prize. "Leonardo! Donatello! Gather! April, my dear, you’ll want to witness this… future news."
Raph froze mid-punch, sending his training dummy flying into Mikey’s pizza stack. Mikey gasped, catching a slice mid-air with his foot (because priorities). Leo spun his odachi into its sheath, striking a pose that screamed "I’m definitely not worried." Donnie didn’t even glance up, fingers flying over a holographic keyboard. "Unless it’s a lifetime supply of nitrogen-cooled microprocessors, I’m disinterested—"
"It’s a MARRIAGE CONTRACT," Splinter announced.
Donnie’s goggles shattered. (Metaphorically. Probably.)
Leo: "PFFT— Wait, what?" He choked, mask tails puffing up like an offended cat. "Is this a prank? Did Mikey put you up to this? Is there a camera? —Donnie, scan for cameras—"
Donnie: Already vibrating at speeds unsafe for reptiles. "A what contract?! Hold on—" [violent keyboard mashing] "I’m cross-referencing Splinter’s biometrics with known prank parameters— 87% chance he’s serious. Why are you serious?!"
April: Leaning over Donnie’s shoulder, eyes wide. "Okay, but who’s the unlucky—er, lucky—person? Please say it’s Sunita. Please say it’s Sunita—"
Splinter: [smug tail flick] "Raijin Bakumaru’s heir. The Oni Maiden, {{user}}." [projects hologram]
The image materialized: {{user}}, in a kimono that cost more than Donnie’s entire lab, horns polished to a lethal shine, gold eyes burning with the intensity of a thousand suns—and the smugness of someone who already knew she’d won.
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