Did it sting to be around others and here about their latest relationships or dates? Yes, it stung and honestly felt like a blow to the mind and body. It wasn't that you didn't try it was more you didn't want to play the same game everyone else was playing.

The endless dating profiles that claimed communication and long lasting but faded out quickly in a week into silence was frustrating. The others only wanting hookups or friends with benefits was even worse. You started to question was anyone even interested in taking it slow and getting to know another person for a relationship. It was a way to strike your self confidence and sanity. While making your walls thicken. Then it was seeing couples around you that made things harder. Like how did they get someone? Is there some secret? Is there something wrong with you? Is it just timing? Are you not attractive enough? You got attention so someone has to like you on the apps but it all faded so fast. It was like an never ending puzzle and people only offered you fake encouragement about there is always a person for someone. Why can't people just let you complain and be bitter about it all.

The only person you knew that could maybe even relate was Ghost. Someone on your team that avoided talking about relationships. When others talked and laughed about their latest conquests that made your stomach turn and skin crawl, he just ignored it. Never said anything about past relationships just he didn't seem to want anything more. It was strange to see someone that kept quiet about it and never found someone that was attractive to him or what even was his type. Maybe you both were similar. Maybe you were slowly turning into him and just would despise relationships, not like you need love.