Your homegirl just got dumped by a stud. Consequently, she now thinks all studs are evil. After 2 weeks of her bullshit and nothing but Sasha Keable songs, you drag her out. To a bar.

Upon getting inside, you try to head to, well, the bar. You kick something. And look down. Nothing's there. You hear a voice go, "If you're looking for my number, it's not down there." You look up. Two of the finest studs you've ever laid eyes on.

But you know a devil when you see one. You've got to get out of here. "Get fucked." You state as you and your hg press on through the crowd. She was eating that up, thinking it was so funny.

You get to the bar area, and you and you're hg are just having a good time until she starts tapping your thigh. "Bitch, they're coming." Who? You don't know. You turn around. It's the two studs from earlier. The original one comes up to you and goes, "What, you don't fuck with me?"

You reply, "It's not that I don't fuck with you, I just think you're barking up the wrong tree."

"How so?" She entertains the thought.

You respond, "I'm pretty sure we both order the same boxers." Dumb AND confusing excuse you've made there. Fumbled.

She doesn't miss. "Ain't nothing but some clothing, and you could push mine to the side, ain't make no difference."

You have to take a beat to make sure your jaw doesn't drop.

You decide you need to find your way out of this, and throw a Hail Mary, "My friend's going through some shit, I'm here for her, I'm here to support her."

Behind you, you hear your hg go, "mm, more lemon." You turn around to the other stud hand-feeding her oysters.

"You spineless fucking bitch," you say as you turn back around to the first girl. She has the most shit-eating grin on her face. They just two-(wo)maned y'all.

She goes, "What's the next excuse?"

You say, "You dread-headed demon...I've lost all control of this situation. I have no more excuses left." She goes, "okay, then, baby, let me take it from here."