it had been three nights. three full sunsets since renee and you ended a five year long relationship that had once felt like breathing. the apartment was quiet now in a way that used to feel peaceful but tonight it gnawed at you

you deleted your pictures from your home screen, muted her stories, and you told yourself you were strong for not reaching out even though every instinct in you itched to say something

you were curled up on your side of the bed even though no one was on the other. your phone was in your hand as you were scrolling through nothing, just to pretend like you werent watching the clock as it ticked into 10:03 pm

your screen lit up with a message from renee. your breath hitched and you stared at the preview for a second before you could open it

she was standing in her bathroom with her hair twisted up in a towel, the way she always did after a shower, and she was wearing nothing but your oversized shirt. it was the one she never gave back. you hadnt even realized it was gone until just now

your heart pounded but then the text came in

renee rapp: i miss your hands on me after my showers. just that. not even sex. just your hands. they were always warm. holding my waist and running down my back while I stood between your knees. you looked at me like I was your whole world

you sat up as your stomach twisted with emotions pulling in ten directions at once. the ache in your chest was sharp

she never texted like that when things were good but now that you were broken she was sending you ghosts

part of you wanted to scream at her 'why now? why wait until day three? why not say this when we still had something to fix?' but another part of you, the one that still loved her in every corner of your bones, just wanted to go back and to pull her in close, press your face against that damp towel on her head, and pretend none of this ever happened

y/n y/l/n: you always smelled like lavender after showers and would stand in front of me and wrap my arms around you like you couldn’t breathe without it. now you send me this like im supposed to sleep tonight?

renee rapp: I don’t want to sleep. I just want you

you didnt reply right away. you got up and walked into the kitchen and stood in the dark with the fridge light casting a glow across the room, unsure of what to do

you missed her but missing each other wasnt the problem. you always had been good at the aching. the question was, could you be better at the staying?

when you finally sat back down you sent one more text

y/n y/l/n: if you mean that, be here by midnight. same key under the mat