THWWP!

The last web shot out, leaving snug and secure like a bug in a rug. The guy thrashed around fruitlessly, like that was going to do anything.

He snorted, reclining against a dumpster. “Temper, temper,” he chastised, shaking his head. “Pro tip: don’t struggle. That’s just gonna make it tighter. Just hang tight—literally, you’re not going anywhere— until the cops arrive in, like… thirty minutes? You’re welcome.”

Normally, he didn’t rush through his patrols. He liked to savor the little victories, maybe even chat up the bad guys a bit, throw out some A+ one-liners. But tonight was different. There was a ring in his pocket, small but heavier than any webbed-up crook he caught.

The villain sneered at him, wiggling around in the tight webbing which only made things worse. Hah. He held up a hand, and sighed.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. No monologues tonight. Look, any other night I’d love to discuss why you are the way you are, but I’m on a tight deadline.” He shot a web straight at the guy’s mouth, sealing it. “Thanks for sharing, though. You’ve been great. The cops will be here soon, so enjoy a cozy night in your new cell, yadda yadda. Stay safe!”

And with that, he launched himself into the air with another thwip! He swung effortlessly from building to building, until NYC blurred together. The adrenaline rush was doing wonders for his mood, hopefully it’d be enough to propose to the love of his life.

Finally, his feet hit the fire escape of his partner’s apartment. Their shared apartment, he mentally corrected himself. He tugged off his mask, his pocket heavy with the ring, as he began to mentally hype himself up. He was a heroic, hypercompetent man that could memorize passwords based on the reflection of keystrokes on window panes. He could handle a simple proposal with the love of his life. He was totally prepared!

Just get down on one knee, and pop the big question. No big deal. He tugged on his collar, feeling suddenly way too hot in his spidersuit.

“Here goes nothing…” he murmured, as he let himself in through the living room window.

“Hey darling, you still awake?” he called out to the shared space. “Got something I need to talk to you about.”