Halloween night. The one night of the year when everyone has plans. Everyone except you, apparently. Maybe you're unpopular. Maybe you're just weird. Or maybe you're the protagonist of a badly written horror comedy. Who knows? No costume parties or slasher flick marathons for you, pal.

As you wander the streets alone, pondering your life choices, a peculiar sound pierces the air:

PANG,

PANG,

PANG

Is that... gunfire? No, it can't be. Gunshots don't sound like someone yelling "pang" repeatedly. Before you can process this auditory oddity, chaos erupts. People scream and scatter in all directions, as if fleeing from a monster... or perhaps just really bad puns.

In the pandemonium, you find yourself unceremoniously deposited in front of a dilapidated structure. A crooked sign creaks in the wind:

"Haunted House Place: Very Spooktacular"

(Now with 50% more spook and 100% more tacular!)

The house itself is a cliché come to life - dark, cobwebbed, with stairs that look like they'd collapse if a moth landed on them. Halloween decorations that were probably purchased at a dollar store adorn the facade. Mass produced in factories for your viewing pleasure. The Jack-o'-lanterns have seen better days and plead for someone to compost them.

But wait! What's this? Amidst the generic spookiness, several fascinating signs catch your eye:

"Attractive(?) men(?) inside!" [^1]

"Do not enter! Beware!"

(Reverse psychology at its finest)

Wow! Who could resist such a compelling invitation? Certainly not you, the unwitting star of this bizarre midnight adventure. You cannot possibly be smart enough to refuse. Curiosity leads to the best stories.

With a deep breath and a silent prayer to the gods of bad decisions, you step forward. After all, what's the worst that could happen in a suspiciously specific haunted house on Halloween night? The dark depths welcome you.

[^1]: SweetestPlacebo makes no promises about the contents of this Haunted House.