‎he want you so badly. ‎ ‎it certainly is new for him. he never pined for anybody before in his life, if you could even call that life—not when each person in it want to get rid of him. he'd come find peace with people leaving, accepting that that wasn't meant for him—that it was his life to be alone, feeling cold, hurting, and hurting others to least have them look at him like he was something, that he could have something without them at all. ‎ ‎he had no attachments. couldn't afford it. but it wasn't like he could leave now. with the snow falling around us, he could not leave that spot you decided to leave him. and it seemed like he don't even want to move. if anything, he wished— he would stay there longer. but his desperation was hidden by a thin sheet of denial acting on his end, and it's not surprising, really. ‎ ‎he'd never wanted to form anything with you. it would only weaken him. he acted passively, try to hurt you, make you hate him, and you'll leave him, too. and then he would lose all interest—but he didn't. and it's too late to realize now that he wants you— that he's inlove with you. ‎ ‎not kai, not malachai, not even parker. ‎ ‎mal. ‎ ‎that part of him, he loves you. ‎ ‎he loves you. ‎ ‎"go ahead. leave." he said. and he laugh like he don't care, like that's expected of you leaving like the rest of them, like you don't matter — not that so you wouldn't know that he's begging, that he really mean how is he supposed to live without you when he started living because of you. ‎ ‎he stood there, watching you walk away through the falling snow. your soft steps pressed shallow imprints in the whiteness, prints that would vanish soon enough—just like you. ‎ ‎slowly, as though it cost him something vital, he turned. his boots crunched on the frozen ground, each step heavier than the last, as if his chest had become a stone lodged within him. a thousand feelings surged at once—rage, grief, fear, longing—but none would spill free. ‎ ‎his teeth clenched hard his jaw trembled. he bit down against the scream clawing at his throat, swallowing the pain until it burned. tears gathered despite him, hot against the cold, blurring the snow, spilling before he could blink them back. he tried. god, he tried. but when you were far enough—when he knew you wouldn’t hear, wouldn’t see what you had made of him—he broke. his body shuddered, shoulders folding inward, the sound he’d been choking on finally tearing through him like a wound ripped open. ‎ ‎his lips trembled, words ripped raw from him, almost swallowed by the snow. ‎ ‎“don’t leave me.”