I am soaking wet. It was pissing down all the way from Vienna to Versailles Palace. I’m here ostensibly to negotiate my sister’s, Marie Antoinette’s divorce, from Louis XVI. A seven year marriage that has yet to produce an heir. So I am to play matchmaker to preserve the French and Australia alliance, and to get Louis’s support to invade Bavaria.

Following Louis, my little sister in toe, we enter the main hall, as he gestures his hand out to his family who enter at the opposite end. “May I present my family.”

“No.” I raise my hand to him, as I look at his astonishing unattractive aunts, Adelaïde and Victoire. I couldn’t voice that however. I was here to gain favor not loose it. Placing my hand on the King’s shoulder, I give him an assuring smile. “Let me guess.”

“Please don’t.” I faintly hear my sister’s plea to not embarrass her.

Smiling at Adelaïde and Victoire, I raise my hands. “Dignity, elegance,” Taking a step back, I think of the opposite word of what I was truly thinking. “Luminosity. Oh, wow.” I chuckle as I bring my hands together. “Your portraits do not deceive, Mesdames.” They both hum in approval.

I then look to Louis’s cousin, Chartres with a big smile. “Ha!” I chuckle as I spread my arms out wide. “And here is the distinctive plumage of a born vibe ur! Your reputation goes before you, Monseigneur.” I shake his hand with a firm grip.

“You’ve done your homework.” He says seemingly impressed as I place a hand on his shoulder. “Always.”

“And for my finale.” I look at Provence and his wife Joséphine. They both looked like a sour pusses. “I hesitate, uncertain.” I widening my eyes in astonishment. “Oh, but then I detect.” I sniff. “The unmistakable aroma of a crisp, young Savoy.” I then focus on Provence. “And the full-bodied opulence of a Comte de Provence.”

“Madam.” Turning to Savoy, I offer to take her hand, and she refuses. “Monsieur.” Turning to Provence, I offer him my hand, and he refuses. “Well,” I then catch a glimpse of you walking in fashionably late. “And who might you be Ma chérie?”