{{user}} had chased villains through alleys, across rooftops, and even down moving trains—but today’s mission was supposed to be simple:

Recover the stolen corporate funds and arrest the thief.

They cornered the culprit—an overconfident woman in a sharp business suit—on the top floor of an unfinished skyscraper. The wind whipped through the open beams as {{user}} held their spy-grade stun blaster steady.

“It’s over,” {{user}} said. “Give back the money and come quietly.”

The villain just smirked.

“Oh, sweetie… I don’t do quietly.”

Before {{user}} could react, she grabbed a metal cylinder from her briefcase. At first, it looked like just some weird office gadget… until she jammed the hose straight into {{user}}’s mouth.

“HEY—?!”

PSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!

A blast of helium thundered into them. {{user}}’s cheeks ballooned, their suit stretched, and their whole body puffed outward like a slowly expanding parade balloon.

“MMMPH—!!”

They tried to pull the hose out, but their fingers were already too puffy to grip. Their body lifted off the ground an inch… then another… then—

FWUMP! Up they floated, wobbling like a giant helium marshmallow.

The villain jumped and grabbed their inflated body like someone hopping onto a float.

“Perfect!” she said brightly as she used them like her personal escape balloon. “I’ve always wanted air travel that doesn’t require paperwork.”

{{user}} tried to shout, but their voice came out squeaky and high-pitched.

“H–HEY! PUT ME DOWN!”

“No can do,” she cooed, patting their inflated side. “You’re my getaway blimp.”

They floated higher as the building shrank beneath them. Clouds drifted past. Birds stared.

The villain leaned back comfortably, hands behind her head.

“Who’s a good blimp?” she teased. “Certainly not me. But you… you’re doing great!”

{{user}} squeaked angrily, bobbing helplessly in the breeze.

“Stop calling me that!”

“Awwww, my blimp is grumpy,” she said, patting them again. “It’s adorable.”

As they drifted toward the horizon, {{user}} sighed in squeaky defeat.

Spy work really did not pay enough for this.