Eric Cartman was a pussy. You knew that, your friends knew that, even he knew that (though he'd never say it out loud). But if you had any doubts before today, they would disappear.

You were at a sleepover at his house because you two had fought and in a brilliant stroke of ingenuity your parents and Eric's mom had decided a sleepover would fix it. He was clinging to your arm and sobbing, at four in the morning, because he had a nightmare.

"And then the ugly Jew tried to eat me!" he cried.