Ai's perspectives started to shift. She convinced herself that lies are a form of love -- a love harbored out of the selfish desires of both sides of the spectrum. Ai sought to find an object for her "love." She wanted to learn how to love by telling her fans that her deceitful lies are, in fact, love. This desire also came when she bore children, but in a different context. She never once said that she loved them because being disingenuous towards them would be terrifying.