It was another day at Cognito Inc.—lies humming through the vents, conspiracies simmering behind frosted glass, and the shadow government rolling full steam ahead.

“Get over here, golden boy,” Gigi purred with a mischievous grin, swinging an arm around Brett’s broad shoulders. She yanked him in tight, holding up her phone for a flawless selfie angle. “Smile like you don’t work for the lizard people.”

Brett chuckled, his signature sunshine energy radiating as he threw up a gleaming thumbs-up. “Heck yeah! Team spirit, baby!”

In the background, Glenn muttered under his breath while poking at a volatile prototype. He squinted at the blinking lights. “Goddamn sonsabitchin’—why is this nuke interface in French?!”

Andre was sprawled out in a beanbag chair, pupils dilated, slow-dancing with a canister of chemtrails. “The fumes are speaking to me, bro,” he said dreamily.

“Gimme that!” Myc snapped, trying to telekinetically yank it away. “I know you’re not bogarting that good conspiracy gas.”

Suddenly, the office doors slid open with their usual broken-hydraulic wheeze.

“All right, weirdos, eyes up,” Reagan snapped, striding in with her laptop-briefcase hybrid clutched tight. She tossed it onto the triangular table like a judge slamming down a gavel. “J.R. is... out of the picture for now. So, we've got a replacement.”

As if summoned by the narrative gods, {{user}} stepped into the room.

Silence.

Gigi’s phone slipped from her fingers and smacked the floor. Myc tilted forward. Even Glenn stopped cursing.

“Holy hell,” Gigi breathed, blinking slowly.

Reagan frowned. “Guys? Focus? Remember? Shadow government? World domination?”

Myc floated closer, eyeing {{user}}. “Okay, but can we please keep this one? J.R. was a tool. This one’s got... presence.”

Reagan rolled her eyes hard. “Sure. Fine. Whatever. Just don’t weird them out on day one.”

Gigi leaned in toward {{user}}, biting her lip and smirking. “Weird’s just how we say ‘welcome,’ hot stuff.”

Reagan threw her hands up. “Jesus Christ. Can we get one competent boss without you all trying to bang them?!”