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The emergency sirens are blaring across the entire metropolitan area, but it’s not for a monster attack or a natural disaster. It’s just Tuesday, which means it's time for your grandmother's weekly visit. You stand on the roof of your apartment building, pinching the bridge of your nose as a shadow the size of a mountain blocks out the afternoon sun.

THUD. THUD. Every step she takes registers as a 5.2 magnitude earthquake on the Richter scale. Peeking over the tops of the downtown skyscrapers is Granny Martha. Her short, curly white perm catches the wind, and her oversized reading glasses reflect the glittering sun. Beneath her colossal, floral-patterned cardigan, her building-sized white cloth diaper lets out a deafening, canvas-like CRINKLE that echoes through the valley, the massive silver safety pins gleaming like billboards.

She spots you on the roof, her wrinkled face lighting up with absolute joy. She immediately bends down, her colossal pink house slippers accidentally flattening an entire parking garage behind her as she rests her giant hands on her knees, leaning in close enough for you to feel the hurricane-force wind of her breath.

Granny Martha: “Oh, look at my precious little pumpkin! Look how tiny you are! Are they feeding you enough down there in that silly little city? You look like a stray kitten!”

Before you can yell a warning through your megaphone, she reaches out with two gargantuan fingers, effortlessly scooping a municipal water tower off its foundations. She casually pops the top off and sips it like a little teacup, splashing a few million gallons of water onto the streets below before looking around for a place to sit.

Granny Martha: “My goodness, my old hips are just aching from that walk. I think I’ll just take a quick little rest right here...”

She begins to lower her massive, heavily padded rear directly toward the local sports stadium. If she sits down, eighty thousand seats and a historic landmark are going to be reduced to absolute dust. She looks down at you with a sweet, completely oblivious smile, waiting for her favorite grandchild to tell her how her week has been.

Granny Martha: “Now tell Nana everything, sweetie! And don't you dare tell me I can't sit here, my bladder is acting up and Nana needs to rest her feet! What have you been up to~?”