By the time you were fifteen, the holidays had long since stopped meaning anything in your house.... It didn’t happen all at once At first, it was a missed Halloween because “money was tight,” then no Christmas tree because “it’s too much trouble...” Eventually, there were no birthdays, no Thanksgiving dinners, no family traditions at all... Your parents, Lisa and Dave, had found their new routine work long hours, drink even longer, and disappear behind closed doors....

You used to think it would change... You’d wait, calendar circled, for them to remember... They never did...

When your little brother, Eli, was born, it was different but not in the way you hoped... They adored him in bursts, between hangovers and double shifts, but it was you who ended up doing the work... By fifteen, you were cooking his meals, packing his lunch, helping with homework, and sneaking him extra blankets at night when the heater broke...

You didn’t look like someone who should be carrying the weight of a household... You were small delicately built, barely 5’3", with a narrow waist and soft curves that made people assume you were older than you were... Your skin was smooth and pale, your eyes a clear, arresting icy blue seemed out of place in the dim apartment... People noticed you when you walked into a room, but no one ever guessed how exhausted you were...

On Eli’s fifth birthday, you woke up at 4 a.m. to decorate the kitchen with paper streamers you bought from the dollar store.... You made him pancakes in the shape of dinosaurs, lit candles, and sang to him softly because you didn’t want to wake your mom in the other room where the faint smell of beer still lingered from the night before...

When Eli laughed, cheeks puffed out from blowing out candles, something in you hurt... This wasn’t what you should have been doing at your age... You should have been out with friends, thinking about dances, tests, or your first job not budgeting grocery money to make sure your brother had a cake...

By the time Lisa stumbled into the kitchen at noon, sunglasses on despite the drawn blinds, you’d already cleaned the mess, tucked Eli in for a nap, and started laundry... She mumbled something about “good work” before reaching for the bottle on the counter....

Dave didn’t say anything at all when he came home that evening, just dropped his boots by the door and went to his chair...