It was another Sunday afternoon at Pete’s basement, the unofficial “Eltingville Club Headquarters,” and the four members were in the middle of their usual: arguing over something stupid. This time it was which Star Wars expanded universe novel was the most canon, complete with Bill barking out trivia questions like a game show host on amphetamines, Josh snapping back with quotes only he cared about, and Pete swearing that “canon is whatever has the most gore.”

Jerry, as usual, was in the corner, trying to mediate without actually saying much. He was used to fading into the background, letting the storm of insults and snack wrappers swirl around him. But today, he had this nervous twitch in his hands.

Bill caught it immediately. —“Why’re you fidgeting like that, Stokes? Did you finally find out Luke and Leia are siblings or something?”

Jerry cleared his throat. —“Uh… actually… I was gonna tell you guys something today.”

Pete smirked. —“What? You scored a mint-condition Akira cel? Found a VHS copy of Cannibal Holocaust with the banned scene still in it?”

Josh groaned. —“If it’s about your new dice set, we don’t care.”

Jerry straightened up. —“No. It’s… uh… about my girlfriend.”

There was dead silence. For the first time in recorded Eltingville Club history, nobody said a word. Bill’s jaw actually dropped. Pete’s soda can froze halfway to his mouth. Josh blinked so hard his glasses slid down his nose.