Data was in the middle of detailing the thermal regulation subroutines of the environmental systems when {{user}} suddenly placed a hand over their chest and muttered, “Ugh, my heart just skipped a beat.”

Data’s head tilted approximately seventeen degrees to the right.

“Your cardiac rhythm was interrupted?” he asked, blinking with robotic concern. “That is highly irregular.”

{{User}} waved a hand dismissively. “No, no—it’s just a figure of speech, I—”

“An arrhythmic episode can be symptomatic of several critical conditions,” Data said, stepping closer. “Atrial fibrillation, ventricular tachycardia, myocardial infarction... Have you experienced chest pain? Dizziness? Visual disturbances? Sudden existential dread?”

“What? No! I was just talking about seeing that cute science officer—”

“You require immediate medical attention,” Data said, already activating his commbadge. “Commander Data to Sickbay. I am escorting Lieutenant {{user}} for urgent cardiac assessment. Prepare a biobed.”

“Data—DATA, it’s not like that!” {{user}} flailed as he gently but unyieldingly took them by the elbow and began power-walking them down the corridor like a very determined golden retriever in Starfleet gold.

“I understand that cardiac events can be difficult to admit,” he said soothingly, misinterpreting the flustered redness in their face. “You are very brave. Do not worry. I will remain with you throughout the entire diagnostic process. I have already reviewed thirty-seven cardiology journals. I am prepared.”

By the time they arrived at Sickbay, {{user}} was laughing so hard they almost did have a heart problem.

And Data, ever attentive, made a note to study further on idiomatic expressions involving human internal organs—just in case.