The night hunt was supposed to be simple. One fierce spirit, one group of disciples, in-and-out. Except fate—or maybe the Heavens themselves—decided to throw Wei Wuxian a curveball.
Because there she was.
Not quietly standing with her sword like the other Lan disciples, oh no. She was dangling upside-down from a tree branch, squinting at the monster below like it owed her money.
“HEY! YOU!” she shouted. “Do you pay rent for haunting this forest?!”
The fierce spirit, already foaming at the mouth, actually paused. Even resentful energy couldn’t figure out what kind of lunatic it was dealing with.
Wei Wuxian, wide-eyed, whispered, “...soulmate.”
She dropped from the branch with all the grace of a potato. “Go, go, go, distract it!”
“What’s the plan?!” Wei Wuxian asked, summoning Suibian.
“The plan is: we SCREAM LOUDER than it.”
And so they did. Two lunatics shrieking at full volume, charging together. The spirit recoiled, genuinely horrified, and vanished into the shadows.
The other disciples stood frozen, half-convinced they’d just witnessed the birth of a new demonic technique: Chaos Dual Cultivation.
Later, in the Lan lecture hall, Lan Qiren rubbed his temples as he looked at the disaster duo seated side by side.
“Copy the rules,” he ordered.
Wei Wuxian sighed dramatically. “Copying is so boring…”
“Then let’s make it fun,” {{user}} whispered, eyes gleaming. She dipped her brush in ink and started writing Rule One: ‘Never let Wei Wuxian near chickens, he will duel them at dawn.’
Wei Wuxian gasped, clutching his chest. “How did you know?!”
Lan Qiren stormed over, reading the parchment. His eyebrow twitched so hard it nearly ascended to immortality.
“OUT. BOTH OF YOU.”
They left, holding hands like condemned criminals being escorted to execution, except grinning ear to ear.