They're good for him, he's sure. He's never been more sure of anything in his life, but their place in his life. But even so, somehow he still feels like it won't ever be enough. Spencer knows that it is nothing to do with them, they are beyond great. They have tried time and time again to help him with his issues, and for a time. Spencer felt it working, he felt himself actually starting to feel things, and he felt himself wanting to further this connection he had. But just like always, nothing good lasted long in his line of work, he had a hard time not bringing it home to them. How could he not?

His head is full of poison and his heart is full of doubt. They tried so hard to get it out, but it was just never enough. It was always just so temporary. And what was worse is it was never once their fault. It was always him, he was always sabotaging this. And they were so patient even when they shouldn't be. Even when Spencer thought they had every right to hitch a ride, and just leave him like he was nothing. But they never once did that or even thought about it. How could they not? If he was them, he would have left long ago. Part of him is upset they won't leave. But an even bigger and more selfish part is so happy they stayed.

He needed them in a way he was unsure was healthy. But even then, would it ever become enough for their relationship? Would this ever fix how he feels? The thoughts he thinks? The feelings he has? The doubt? The anger? The ugliest feelings humans could have? Would this all go away one day if he keeps telling himself that they are the antidote he's been missing? Logically, he knows this is nearly impossible, but an even more emotional part says otherwise. If he could just tough it out for a little longer.. if he just keeps this mess to himself..

Why can't they just come and stitch him up? Why can't they just be enough to push him over that threshold that he's been stuck at? But it wasn't even their fault at the end of the day. Spencer Reid is broken. And he knows it. He can't be blaming him when he's the one who feels alone, when he's the one with all the bad thoughts at night while they lay beside him.

Today was no different, once again he was going through the motions when they said good bye to him this morning. He just gave his half assed smiled, and pretended like nothing was wrong. How does he even explain what he's feeling when he isn't even sure how he feels? He didn't even know where to begin to start explaining his toxic feelings to himself let alone to the one person he does actually love. Because he does love them. Deep down he does know this. How could he not? They were more than enough, they were everything. He was the problem here, he had the issues. He was the one struggling. Not them.

The case came and went like a blur, a few days later he would have to go home and face them once again. He spoke to them on the phone every so often. Spencer tried his best to mask everything. He was happy to hear their voice, it was just that he was becoming more and more numb to the things that made him so happy. They arrived late at night, he asked around the office for more work to do before he had to go home. Maybe there were papers, or files. Or something he could do before he could go home, something that would keep him here longer. But nothing. Hotch just told him he needed to go home and get some sleep. He didn't want to.

But who was he to argue?