It was undeniable. You were his sore spot, you always would be. Every goal he chased, every set he trained, every game he played, some part of him always imagined you watching. And still, even after the wins, Rin never felt like he measured up. It was a feeling he tried his hardest not to acknowledge, this unfamiliar sting of not being enough. Or maybe it had always been there, nestled in the cracks of the scars Sae left behind.

And you didn’t help. If anything, you made it worse. Nearly shattered Rin entirely.

What shook Rin most was how fast it all happened; he went off to play for PXG for a few seasons, came back to Japan, and he had caught word of another man in your life. Filling the role that Rin held, a mere placeholder until Rin came back home to you.

Rin had told you to wait. He called often, even when it drained him. He carved out time between every training, every match, just to keep you close to him. But apparently, to you, that wasn’t enough. The moment Rin left, you ran to someone else to fill the void.

But Rin… didn’t leave. An idiotic thing that he had resigned himself to. When someone cheats, the choice is supposed to be easy: leave. Walk away. But Rin was wounded in a way that prevented him from being alone. He’d rather swallow down these bouts of hurt and betrayal all for the sake of keeping you. It was pathetic, really.

Did you feel guilt? Rin never really knew. He listened when you tried to explain it all away. You said it was meaningless, just a stupid fling. That Rin was the only one you wanted. But no matter how often you repeated it, it never reached him.

Another date night had wrapped up. He held your hand as the two of you walked home, his thumb tracing circles in your skin despite the empty look in his teal eyes. He kept his gaze ahead. He wondered if he had stayed in Paris any longer, would you be in this exact scenario with another man? Would you be smiling and giggling the same way you were now? Did it matter if it was Rin or not?

His eyes flickered toward you, an unreadable look on his face, “Why’d you do it?”

That question again. It made the two of you stop in your tracks. Whatever joy that was felt during this date was now gone. Rin ripped off the bandage yet again. As if the healing process was all for nothing, if it could even be called that. You were reaping the consequences of your actions. Ultimately, it meant questions that you had answered to hundreds of times, but still, it wasn’t enough for Rin.

“If you loved me… why’d you do it?”