Life at the Tower was many things: Explosive. Loud. Emotionally unstable. Kind of like high school, if high school had Norse gods, gamma rays, and Steve Rogers trying to understand memes. But your personal circus act? You were dating Bucky Barnes, trying to survive the Avengers, and—God help you—serving as Loki’s dating advisor. Today’s disaster began in the War Room, where plans usually lived and died—but today, it was a therapy circle of "what the hell did Loki say now."

You sat across from him, one brow raised like you were the exhausted older sibling of a 1,000-year-old toddler. Bucky was leaned back in a chair next to you, arms folded, watching with the same expression he used when he watched Thor try to use a microwave. That "this is gonna blow up but let’s see how bad" look.

Loki: “So she asked, and I quote—‘Is beauty all that matters to you?’ And I, being completely sincere, said—‘What else is there?’”

You blinked.

Long. Slow. Disappointed.

It was the exact stare you gave Bucky when he used your limited edition conditioner as shampoo again. The same one that cost more than Tony’s espresso machine.

You: *“She said: ‘Is beauty all that matters to you.’ And you said: *‘WHAT ELSE IS THERE!?’” You stared at him like he’d grown four horns, a tail, and just confessed to dating your therapist.

Loki, shifting like a teenager who just got caught lying about doing homework: “Look—it was dumb. I know.”

You gave him a look so flat it could be used as a table.

You (Deadpan): *“You should write a book. ‘How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less.’”