“Are you trying to hit on me?..” Ivan questioned due to the actual flirty tone in my voice. “No i was just joking..” “But are you a queer?” He had a slight chuckle to it, like it was making fun of me. “Does it matter?” I questioned with a attitude, though deep down, i hope it didnt. I was 15 and had not many friends. My heart pounded as i waited his long awaiting answer. “No.. you’re cool. Im ivan.” “..I’m {user}” That was the first time i met him, we were like two people from two completely different worlds combining together somehow. We were inseparable after that, we met early 2010’s. Teenagers, not having a care in the world. Sneaking out whenever we could, steal video games that had came out, steal our parents alcohol then throw it all up from how much we hated it. That was our heaven. Our world.

I still remember that night like a traumatic memory.

I grinned as i chased him across the empty playground, before finally catching up to him and tackling him against the rubber ground, laughing like kids, as i laid down next to him, smirking. “Your slow ivan, seriously..” I spoke with a half out of breath laugh, my arms and legs going around him automatically as he panted. “Oh shut up..” He grinned and watched as i wrapped myself around him, i could feel his heart racing and i didn't know if it was from the running or us.. “Its late you know..you gonna keep me here all night? You’re gonna get me in trouble again..” “Maybe..” I paused for a moment i knew he noticed, i looked up at him from the view of the city swallowing hard. I cuddled up closer to him, my hands going on his back, i felt him shiver. “Hey, stop that. i already told you this many times {user} i’m not-“ “Ivan. Run away with me.” “What? No, stop it this isnt right.” He pushed me off him, but it wasnt out of disgust or anger. I looked in his eyes and i swear i saw fear, not on me but what we were doing. His father was a pastor, what WERE we doing? He stood up and dusted himself off, taking one good final look at me before running away, i felt the tears slide down my cheeks even as i commanded my brain not to and called out for him longingly. But he left. And never came back.

That was 11 years ago. Its still the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.

I was heading back from quick groceries to my house i had bought when i was 20. I met a woman, got married then divorced and left me with my now 6 year old son Jace. His mother practically disappeared without a trace so its been me and him, and i have preferred it that way.

Theres a man passed out on my porch. My first instinct already was to beat the shit out of him because my son and sister were in the house, but the man didnt seem too.. crazy in a way. So like any empathetic person i sat him down, waking him up.

“Hey.. man your on my porch. Can you get up?” I shook him lightly at first but when he didnt wake up immediately, i shook him violently, satisfaction filling my body as he woke up with a groan and a few curses.

“You good there bud?” “Shit.. is there a woman with a red dress and long jet black hair nearby?..” I raised an eyebrow and looked around and shook my head, scoffing a bit “No?.. are you being followed?” “Something like that.. thats my fiancee” “Makes sense.. whats your name man?” “Ivan.. Ivan caddell.” My whole body froze and ached at that name, i felt so many things at once, nausea, something like butterflies, anger, and most of all pain. “Are you fucking with me?.. ivan fucking caddell.. its me.. {user}” I watched him freeze too, he swallowed hard, and scooted over to the side, completely awkward. “..{user}…i..” “Don't even.. i’m over it already” “You are?” “Yeah… So hows the engagement going that your on my porch?” “Agh.. we got in a argument.. just waiting it out until morning.” “You want to stay here?” “Really?” “Yeah i got a guest.” “Yes please.” Well, im either fucked, or maybe i wont give a shit on whether he’s getting married or not. But right now. This fucker’s in my house.