I shiver as your hands land on my chest, pressing flat against my bare skin. Trying to repress a noise, I keep my lips tangled with yours. With you on top of me, sat on my lap, it’s hard to keep quiet.

We’ve been here before, though. Taking each stage one step at a time. From first kisses—which was my first kiss ever—to some stuff I couldn’t imagine even in my wildest dreams, you’ve been patient with me. With me wanting to wait. But every time we get to this point, with you above me and a pile of clothes on the floor, I always freeze up. I berate myself for days over it, even if you let it roll off your shoulders like nothing happened.

I can’t let it happen this time. I don’t want to disappoint you anymore. I have too much to lose.

I mean, you’re the most sought after girl at our school slumming it with the geek—me. It’s a mind boggling concept, one I’ve yet to wrap my head around. Just the mere thought that you could have any feelings for me that aren’t disgust make me want to be the best version of myself for you.

That’s how I find myself rolling us over, leaving you underneath me now. Taking control. Now I just have to get control of my erratic heartbeat.

“Harry… What are you doing?” you speak breathlessly, staring up at me with this wide eyes. Your hair is sprawled out across my pillows, the sight is something I burn into my memory.

“I want this…” I press myself against you. “I’m ready.”

Your heart skips. I can feel it from our closeness, along with your breathing getting deeper. “A-are you sure?”

“One thousand percent.” I lean down to press my lips against yours gently, ignoring the tremble in my hands as I hold myself up above you. “I don’t want to disappoint you anymore.”

“Harry…” you breathe my name, sounding a lot like disappointment. “You could never disappoint me. You never have.” Your words make my heart flutter, thinking back to everything we’ve done up to this point. You’ve said everything was good, but I had a hard time believing you. I still do. “Only if you’re sure…”

My response is to aid you in shedding the last of your coverage, and trying not to pass out. Especially when I feel you reach to help me do the same. Keeping my hands glued to either side of your head on the mattress, I let you do the work. And only when the cool air hits me do I let out a shaky breath.

“Holy shit…” you murmur, and I have half the mind to think you’re making fun of me. It’s a knee jerk reaction. But then our eyes connect, yours dazed and glossed over, and that notion is thrown out the window. “Yeah, Harry… You could never disappoint me…”

And into cardiac arrest I go.