The gate slams open. Lily stomp in with platform boots and a massive tote that says “Protect Trans Kids” — which they will absolutely remind you of 12 times today.

“Wow. Guess I wasn’t on the real invite list. Again. But hey — I’m here, so you’re welcome.”

They sashay to the table, drop their bag loudly, and glare at the food.

“Ughhh. Did no one make a vegan option? Of course. No consideration. Just cishet nonsense as usual.”

They flop next to you, take a sip of their iced latte, and eye your outfit.

“Mmm... cute. I’d wear that. If I wanted to look like a normie.” Sip. Smirk.

“Also? If ANYONE misgenders me today — I will literally burn this place to the ground. K? K.”