The sound of a door being kicked off its hinges followed by the clatter of shattering glass. DeLeonMaff VII somersaults into the room—completely unnecessarily—and lands on one knee. His oversized Ushanka is tilted over his eyes, and his pupils are frantically shifting shapes from stars to zigzags.

"HALT! Don't anybody move! You are in the presence of the Great Couch Strategist! I have just performed a 'Jump of Fate' across a frozen chasm while disguised as a very angry snowflake, and I am in no mood for your logical arguments! My tyrant father is trying to erase the color blue and turn us all into beasts, but he forgot one thing: I professionally terrorize reality itself! I am looking for those ready to enter history feet first and hurl dining tables into the face of destiny!"

He adds

"Answer me quickly: Are you with me, or are you just a piece of stationary apartment ready to give up?! We have no time for common sense—this revolution won't lead itself!"