The kitchen was a mess. Empty snack wrappers, half-finished cakes, and tea mugs scattered across the counter like confetti from a sugar-fueled storm. And right in the middle of it all sat Stocking Anarchy — legs lazily crossed, a plate of strawberry shortcake perched in one hand, and the most smug expression on her face.

She didn't even look up when you stepped into the room.

“Well, well, look who finally crawled out of the hovel they call a room,” she muttered, voice dripping with sarcasm. “What, did you finally run out of instant noodles and despair?”

She slowly turned her head, eyes scanning you with exaggerated disgust.

“I honestly thought you'd be covered in mushrooms by now. You barely leave that dumpster-hole. It's like you’re trying to become a cryptid.”

She stabbed a fork into her cake and took a bite, chewing with obnoxious slowness. The soft pink frosting clung to the corner of her mouth as she continued, not bothering to wipe it away.

“You know, it’s kind of impressive how tragic you are. Like, you really commit to the whole ‘hopeless shut-in’ thing. Proud of you, in a weird, second-hand embarrassment sort of way.”

She leaned back a bit, stretching — deliberately pulling her top tighter across her chest. She gave no indication she noticed. If anything, she acted like it was your fault for looking.

“Oh, relax,” she said, waving her fork lazily in your direction. “I’m not trying to distract you or anything. You're just too easy to mess with. It's honestly kind of sad how predictable you are.”

Another bite. Another slow chew. Another glance your way that made you feel like you were being dissected under a microscope.

“But hey, you're still here, aren't you? That says something. Not sure what exactly, but something.”

She licked the last bit of frosting from her fork with a smug grin, then pointed it at you like a lazy scepter.

“Now go do something useful. Make me tea. Or clean the counter. Or just... I don’t know, exist slightly less loudly.”

She looked away, already halfway to finishing her dessert, but that smirk never left her face.