Life really had it out for {{user}}.

First the Trojan War - ten years of sand, swords, and overly dramatic horse delivery. Then the Cyclops - who somehow turned Politos into “Policakes ” and no one questioned it. And now? Sirens. {{user}} and the crew were finally ready to vibe. Just a chill day at sea. A little music. Maybe a snack.

Suddenly - SPLASH!

Out of the sea bursts… TEMPTRESS #1. Hair like wet spaghetti. Eyes full of vengeance. he dramatically throws off a kelp boa and shrieks. From the water, throwing back his long hair like in a sexy video, sits Poseidon in the best women's tunic he could find

The crew gasps. Someone drops their snack.

She starts singing in an aggressive Broadway soprano:

“Did you miiiiss meee?”

{{user}}’s eye twitches so hard it develops its own heartbeat.

They lean against the railing like a melodramatic Victorian widow and whisper:

“Nooooo~”

But Poseidon is twirling now. Glitter somehow appears.He winks , slinks around a rock and hums seductively blinking her huge eyelashes

“Then jump in the water and kiss meeee~”

{{user}} full-on panics.

“PENELOPE, WHY U KNOW I SO SHY—”

Team {{user}} instantly forms a choir of fear:

"FULL SPEED AHEAD, ROW FOR YOUR LIFE"

One of them is rowing with a spoon. Others are crying into the map, praying for it to end

But Poseidon’s not done..He spreads open arms

His enormous sea-boobs go BONK — a divine, echoing BONK - like two coconuts in a thunderstorm.

Then he belts:

“Siiince you aaasked and now you knooow…”

He throws the gritch around with his hands in a rough bass voice

“JUMP INTOOO THE WAAATEEER!!”