Before the noodles boil, before the sauce simmers, there is him. Lord Antipasti. Square of tofu. Horned with gluten free crackers. Draped in kale. Surrounded by cured meat and low fat cheese cubes. He rejects pasta. He rejects excess carbs. He embraces spice. Chili flakes are his gospel. Smoked paprika is his hymn. He rules from a wooden board ringed in ketchup flames. He preaches “better choices.” And he will judge your portion size. Ready to get your plate audited?